Several weeks ago, a very nice couple came to see me for some marriage counseling
. They are both attractive and they seem to love each other very much. They have two children and they have been married for about twenty-eight years.
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Re-Define Yourself: When we are in a relationship (even one that is breaking down) it can be tempting, and even comfortable, to define ourselves by the roles we are playing in the relationship. A married man with a wife and two kids becomes a divorced father of two. A wife becomes a divorced 33 year-old and so forth. While we are all juggling different roles and titles, the fact is that our individuality is not based on what we endure, where we work or even the role we play in the lives of those we love. Take some time to really sit and think about who you are, what you have learned and what you want at this point in your life. You may not be where you would like to be just yet but knowing who you truly are is the first step to getting there.
The biggest test when remarrying is how your fiancee will fit into your family. What happens when your children are unwilling to accept your new love?
“Children will have different emotional responses to family change based on the child’s age, developmental stage and the presence of other life changes,” she said. “Children often feel anxiety due to the uncertainty of the future. They may ask themselves, ‘Where will we live? Will I have to share my room? Will I have to call him Dad? Where do I fit into this family?’”
She’s the dreaded “next.” She’s the woman who lives in your ex’s house, sleeps in his bed and has your kids every other weekend. And the U. S. Census Bureau says there are 1,300 of her created every day. When living-together families are included in the definition of the stepfamily, the National Survey of Families and Households estimates that 50 percent of all women are likely to live in a stepfamily relationship.
Because of the breakup of their biological families and their parents’ desire for a second chance at love, 50 percent of the 60 million children under the age of 13 are currently living with one biological parent and that parent’s current partner. Stepfamilies are not doing so well. Two out of three will fail, largely due to conflicts over children. A Boston University study reported that more than 75 percent of the career women who had married men with children said that if they had do it again they would not marry a man with children.
Having been through a divorce, you might be feeling lonely and vulnerable. You might even find yourself on the rebound and aggressively looking for new romantic relationships. While it’s important to develop friendships at work, and perhaps use these work-related friends as part of your emotional support system outside of the workplace, your place of employment should never be where you look for dating prospects.
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but found out they had cheated on their ex, would that stop you? would you end the relationship? would you continue?
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knowing what you know now, if you could go back in time, would you marry your ex (stbx) again if you knew you could change one thing in the relationship?
what would you change?
how would that make a difference?
Read a ton of responses on this here
Found this over at About.com:
What follows is a list of dating blogs I enjoy and read regularly. There are only two criteria for the list:
If you feel I’ve missed a dating blog that meets this criteria, feel free to email me.
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When I first separated from my ex, I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to get married again.
When I first started dating, I loved loved loved the separation of the me that was a Mom and the me that dated. Did I want my kids meeting people I was casually dating? Absolutely not. Did I want to keep one eye on my kids and one eye on the guy? That was just a bit too much multitasking for me, especially when I already felt stupid and insecure, with one foot back in high school again.
When I entered into my first serious relationship, I maintained that separation, for the most part. Kid-free weekends were spent at his place. He’d come over for kid-free Wednesday dinners. We didn’t do ‘family’ holidays together; didn’t celebrate important dates or birthdays with the whole gang; didn’t attend the school recital as a couple. Sure, he met the kids (and attended the occasional school event or dinner) – and they knew that he had an important place in my heart. They all liked each other. But we didn’t spend much time together – the four of us, that is.
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Previous research has shown smoking and poor skin tone can cause women to look older. But a new study of identical twins shows that divorced women look two years older than their twins who were married, single or widowed, according to a Los Angeles Times article.
